Be the change

As if by luck, I stumpled by the kitchen on my way out the door, only to hear Tunsits' meows for food. Oh yeah! I thought to myself as I remembered that I had meant to adhere to his request ten or so minutes before. I go out and appologize to him, letting him know I heard him earlier yet was too far from the garage that I got distrated on my way. I reflected on how that is what makes up a big part of my life right now - meaning to do something yet getting distracted along the way, and how that is so different from who I used to be - very much on the mark for everything. I then realized that this is me now; no matter how hard I try to cling to who I have been, I have become someone else. It is time to man up and just be it, let go of the past and just roll with the present me.

I get stuck so much in the past because it is something I know. The present is ever evolving, everyday now bringing along new insights and thoughts and revelations, states of mind and being that I have no control over. Who I have been in the past, the ever rigid hyper organized version of me, is someone I know. I do not have to be surprised at every new turn of my life. Yet being so stuck in wanting the past, I am letting who I am becoming slip right by me and not letting it become familiar. The past has happened, and there is no changing that. I have just now realized how much fun life is when I can live in the moment and get to know who I am becoming. There is so much to me that I have just not wanted to meet, yet all these aspects of me are what I had dreamed of so, so many years ago. I am an adult, I am a 24 y/o who needs to live in the moment and absorb as much of the world as I can before I am ready to settle into a spot. Who I am now is not ready to settle, I do not know enough about the planet and people I live with. If I were to settle now, like my plan had been all along... I can't imagine ever being satisfied with myself.

What I have realized today while feeding Tunsits is that I am not who I was, and while it is hard to let go of someone so familiar, I am turning into someone even better, someone who has live through 24.5 years as me. No more hiding, no more clinging to an old version of me; it is time to live.