ranting and no raving

I am simultaneuosly baking cookies, making dinner, and now typing here every few minutes only because i cannot stand the thoughts in my head any longer. The mum here is home, but is staying in bed as she is not feeling well. neither am i. and now i have to run upstairs and see who it is that is jumping so very hard, making the ceiling shake and the lights flicker.

The wee one, of course.

Well, I am only to blame for having so much going on. It took me 40 minutes to make the cookie dough, woops. A live chat is to blame, which I enjoyed and will have to do more often.

Ew, it is time to do the chicken...

I am not a great multitasker. I go to do something and am distracted by another and start to do that and completely forget about the other. That's why this is all taking so long. But at least I'm really cooking. I just hadn't been feeling like doing much with cooking and it made me feel so bad as I kept making such basic dishes. Now, I've been bitten by the cooking bug yet again, which is odd cause I never eat what I make.

I haven't been feeling much like eating lately. It started when I got sick right before Thanksgiving, and has just gone on, because of my teeth, being sick some more, and just... because. Which is not good. My teeth, well, I lost a filling some months ago yet I wasn't bothered by it and so didn't bother with the dentist, which is a really stressful place for me to go. A week after my 24th birthday, a birthday when I lost my dental insurance, the tooth hurt like a motherfucker. It was the worst pain, down into my jaw. I was at the point of calling the dentist when the pain went away and thus i avoided it again. The pain has been coming and going; when it is here, it is just so bad, and now more teeth on that side have begun to hurt. And I can only chew on my right side, and I have limited foods that I can even chew period.

My teeth, that's how my eating disorder first took a serious turn for the worst. I had gotten my wisdom teeth out , and was very restricted in the foods I could eat. I had chocolate pudding, instant breakfast drinks, and a milkshake. My sister had gotten me a vanilla milkshake from MaggieMoos - the same I had gotten for her when she had her w-teeth out. I only had a little at a time. A few spoonfulls at first, and then I put it in the freezer. I choose specific times I could have a few more spoonfuls, and would stare at the clock when it neared that time. I didn't finish the milkshake even; when I knew no one was around I dumped some down the sink. This was the first neurotic food behavior I had, and my whole food regimen soon followed in suit.

I learned years later that this was when my mum first noticed I had eating problems. I had no clue at the time what was going on, I only have recalled all this recently and how it related to the disaster that soon followed.

That is not what's happening now, just my teeth brought that back to memory. Oh how I hate the dentist, but I do need to go. I first need to sign up for dental insurance. I also have a misaligned jaw that causes pain and problems that I need to see a specialist for (that I have neglected to do thus far). I might as well take care of all at once, eh.

Dinner went by fine, the boys were out of control afterward, took forever to get them in the bath, had to get out due to unnesesary and loud screaming, and read to them for a while until sleep. I also took care of all the dishes some where in there and packed away the cookies and cleaned up.

In bed now and very tired. Time for some tele and sleeeeeeeeep.